In love........

Since I spent most of my last blog saying what was difficult about Mateo, this post will focus on how.....
I just love Mateo SO much. He is so precious to us. When he wakes up for the day with a toothy grin and a sweet coo, I melt. When he laughs and plays with us, I melt. When he nestles into your shirt as he gets sleepy and ready for a nap...I melt. When he holds on to our fingers and walks around the house...we are in love. We were watching Mateo feed himself a cheerio the other day and almost started crying....b/c this little baby that could not even eat enough to survive when he was born and had to have a feeding tube that they fed him my milk through...... can now feed himself.

I recently watched Fried Green Tomatoes with some of the ladies from my bible study. I had actually never seen that movie. I know, weird- right? Well if you have seen it... you remember how Ruth's dead-beat husband throws her down the stairs preggo. My blood boiled. Then he came back and wanted to kidnap the baby. My blood boiled even more. Every since Mateo was born, my motherly instinct to protect and defend had kicked in and I hate to see those kind of scenes in movies where the innocent baby is in danger..

I know I can't protect Mateo from everything in life, but that is still every mom's desire. And I can love him.... a lot.

Mommyhood

I was asking Aaron the other day why we had such a difficult baby. He said b/c God knew we could handle it. Aaron's usually right. But I still don't understand. We have been able to handle and endure quite a bit, by God's grace, but I am tired.

• My baby is 9 months old and still doesn't sleep through the night. Which means that I still don't sleep through the night. The pediatrician and lactation nurse says this is still in the realm of "normal".
  
• He's a finicky eater and most meals are trying unless they involve one of the favorite (banana, sweet potato, or avocado).
• He is not independent and requires a lot of attention. Which means he only plays for 10 minutes at a time by himself w/o needing my intervention.
  
• I have to choose not to do a lot of things b/c I know it's not something that I could bring Mateo to practically.
• He fusses, grunts, cries, etc. WAY more than any baby I have ever met.
  

It's a good thing that he is cute and that he smiles and laughs a lot now. And even though he is not a huge napper, he still takes two fairly regular naps a day- for an hour long or so. Which means I have at least 2 hours of Mateo-free time during the day.... my only saving grace.

I say all these things complaining about my child, but I also feel very fortunate for this bundle of cuteness. I am thankful also that we've tweaked our budget enough for me to be able to stay home full time this year. God has grown Mateo so much from the tiny 4 pound 4 ounce baby into a strong 18 pound baby who will soon be running around the house. Even though he is difficult, I don't think I could love anything any more. The heart of a mother overflows with love for her child. This really makes me understand how much God loves His children...even more than I love my child. AMAZING!

"The Father has loved us so much that we are called children of God. And we really are his children." 1 John 3:1

So I accept this challenge. Through sleep deprivation, hair pulling, biting, crying, and fussiness, I accept the challenge of motherhood....really not knowing what I'm in for in the long run. Maybe when Mateo is a teenager and goes through his "hating the parents" stage, I will wish for those baby days when he was so clingy and wanted so much to be with mommy all day long. Maybe.

Sushi

During the weekends I often get spoiled by my wonderful husband who likes to cook. I've been doing all of the cooking during the week this year since I am home- but on the weekends Aaron likes to do some cooking too. And lucky for me that he enjoys making Japanese food. I got to try a couple kinds of homemade sushi- inari (rice wrapped in bean curd) and sushi rolls with veggies in them. THEN..the next day I got homemade curry. Spoiled.

I am finally making time in the evenings to read my bible and write in my prayer journal again. It has been SO good these last couple of weeks. Aaron and I have been reading through Luke in the mornings (at dif. times)- but since my mornings are filled with baby babbling- it's hardly a "quiet time" with God although I still enjoy it. To have a relationship with someone you really have to spend time with them; to have a relationship with God you have to spend time with Him. So it's been nice to carve out a little bit of time once Mateo goes to sleep...the only time during the day when it is really peaceful. Aaron and I usually have our "quiet time" at the same time- but in different rooms. It has helped us to be accountable. I'm really enjoying reading the bible...and it's been a while since that has been true.
I take for granted that we have several bibles in different translations in our house. You can read the bible online (biblegateway.com) and you can even listen to the bible on CD or on an iPod. Growing up the only bible we had was a pretty one that sat on a shelf. I didn't have my own bible 'til high school and didn't really read this bible until college. Now I hope that I can never get enough of it.

We were reading yesterday that almost 50% of adults in Haiti are not literate. That is strikingly amazing and sad. Half of the adult population is not able to read the bible! Or anything for that matter! Other third world countries have high illiteracy rates, too, but Haiti was the highest that we noticed. Oh, how I dream to go abroad and teach people to read. Aaron and I contemplated going abroad when we were first married. Either that or have a baby. Obviously the baby won ;)

Gonna go run now. One month 'til our 5K. Should be fun.

Me time

Tonight I have a little baby-free and hubby-free time. We try to have Mateo asleep by 6:30 on Saturday nights (compared to 7 the rest of the week)lately so that we can get him up a little earlier and a am nap in before church. Last week it worked out...so hopefully we almost have the church schedule down. Still working on the nursery.

Anyways- whenever Aaron is gone and I am in charge of Mateo at night...I become extremely appreciative of my husband and that I'm not a single mom. I don't know how single moms do it. I did dinner, play time, bath time, PJs, nursing, song, bed. But then at 6:33 my sweet baby was asleep peacefully in his crib. Ahhhh....

So what will I do with my time? Blog between running back and forth to the kitchen, yes. Make Butternut Squash/Yellow Potato/Apple stew to freeze for Mateo...yes. Make soup for tomorrow's church lunch potluck...yes. Finish making my mixed bean soup...yes. And if I have any energy left after that, I will also remember how to thread my sewing machine. Mateo is short like his mama and all of his pants are too long for him. I have started hemming my own pants under by hand...accepting that I'm vertically challenged- but his pants would be so much easier to hem on the machine b/c they're not denim.

OH, and a few days ago Mateo started saying da da da da all day long...more indiscriminately, but it was still super cute (even though he has not said ma ma ma ma yet haha ;)

I didn't get to talk with HR this week b/c the lady was out sick. Next Tuesday will be the big day. My contract is due April 9th. I'm not worried about it miraculously. I've been praying about it and am confident and excited about what God will do.
¹ Lord, I give myself to you; ² my God, I trust you.
Psalm 25:1-2a

OK- stew is cooking on the stove, so I better finish this up. I've been wanting to blog about what I'm reading in Luke right now...but another time.

Things I love:
~A good cardio workout that gets my heart pumping
~Being outside
~Hiking
~Eating
~Watching Mateo laugh
~My papasan chair
~Teaching kids

Things I'm scared of:
~Driving through a car wash
~Large dogs
~Bees
~Theme park rides

Ponderings

So I am organizing the Easter activity for my church next Sunday. This week 500 balloons were stuffed with candy and goodies. Our fingers are a little sore. Thankfully, we'll be using air compressors to blow up the balloons in stead of our own breath! Should be fun- but it is a lot of prep work. Now I'm working on the prize baskets and soon Mateo and I need to go shop for some stuff. I'm also teaching the kiddos this Sunday- so I've been praying for creative ideas to make Easter more than just candy and eggs.
I sure wish spring break was wrapped around Easter. It's an even more important holiday to Christians than Christmas- but we get no time off for it! Bummer.

I am reminded recently that there are ALL sorts of moms out there. And as different as they all are- most all are good moms and their babies will all (probably ;) turn out perfectly healthy and happy. But sometimes I just have to laugh. I met a mom this week that actually wakes her baby up at night to nurse him. I heard of a mom who gives her baby turkey jerky when she's teething. Yes...jerky. Some moms use cloth diapers. Some moms use NO diapers. But really- everybody has the right to be the kind of parent they want to be (within reason of course) and follow whatever philosophy they agree in.... I think it's more important that we support each other than judge each other. I felt a bit judged by certain people when we were dealing with the first 6+ months of Mateo. It just wasn't easy to go places and do things. I got the, "Why don't you just do...." Or "Can't you just..." from a lady that had no business criticizing. Now I love tips and advice, learning and self-educating,etc....but there is a difference between helping and just being critical.

Teeth

Mateo is sprouting four new teeth. Exciting, huh? That's what I thought at first. Then I remembered that I'm nursing...and teeth are not a nursing mama's favorite landmark to hit. I haven't had any trouble so far with just the two teeth...so I'm optimistic that I can make it a bit longer. I hope I can make it three more months. We shall see! Mateo turns 9 months next week!! Crazy. Teeth sure make babies looks cute- so there is that! We have this little finger brush that we use on his teeth every day. My next job is to look into pediatric dentists. I found out that our dentist doesn't take kids 'til they're 10 years old!!

Tonight is date night. It was nice to reinstate date night once the colic subsided and once Mateo's bedtime became easier. Now every Thursday there is no homework, computer (Aaron is giving Mateo his bath right now...so this is my break :), no projects, etc. I think tonight we'll just kick back and watch a movie. We are, however, looking into hiring one of the high school girls from church to babysit for us so that we can actually go OUT for date night sometimes. Mateo goes to bed around 7:00...so we'd basically be hiring someone to come hang out at our house while he sleeps. I am giddy with excitement envisioning going to the movies, being downtown, playing tennis, etc. I do miss the spontaneity of going wherever, whenever. I'm also aware of how much easier it is now compared to when baby #2 (God-willing) comes.

I watched THE most annoying movie last week with Aaron. It was called Motherhood with Uma Thurman. It was one of the movies they had in RedBox..and all I knew was that it was about a stay-at-home-mom's crazy day. Thought I might be able to relate and that maybe it'd be funny. Quite on the contrary, it was a frustrating movie where this cooky mom creates havoc in her daily life by living in complete chaos with no structure/routines. For being a stay at HOME mom, she wasn't even home at all..and she just did everything the hard way. Aaron told me that if she was structured and had things together... then there would be no movie storyline. He's always right ;)

Maybe someday I'll write my own movie about Motherhood. I don't think I ever want to chronicle Mateo's first 6 months. I would never wish to relive those moments. Days when I knew for SURE that it would be much easier to be working full time and letting somebody else caring for our colicky baby. But somehow, by God's grace and mercy I stand here today alive. Alive and very sleep deprived, but alive just the same.

One last thing. I decided to join a Mom's group in my side of town. It's for stay at home moms and part-time working moms. Did you know that they even have an acronym for that? SAHMs. There is an abbreviation for everything. Anyways..I am excited to meet other SAHMs with babies or kids and be able to connect a little more. There is a "baby play group" next week.

More to write..but it's my turn in our tag-team bedtime routine.


"Sing to the Lord a new song for he has done marvelous things." Psalm 98:1

Tea

OK- so I am finally switching from Xanga (http://gabalonias.xanga.com/) to e-Blogger. Seems like it is easier for everyone else.

This morning was one of those mornings when you heat up your tea like three times but you never actually get to drink it. I just kept getting distracted.

I think daylight savings time is affecting us more than I thought! Mateo slept in today (which I'm not complaining about ;) but them our day schedule is tweaked. Good thing our schedule can be flexible.

Making baby food for Mateo has kind of made me realize that I need to eat healthier, too. Now I do have a generally balanced diet...but Mateo's diet rocks. Today, he will eat all of these different foods:
Brown rice, peach, banana, quinoa, yellow squash, carrot, sweet potato, and avocado.

Now that he's eating 3 meals a day and I mix and match, he's getting quite a variety. I should take such care in my own diet!! However, I'm often eating what is fast since Mateo requires much attention and I take it as my personal challenge to keep the house up while Aaron is at work.

I am tired. I am having some insomnia. Mateo slept pretty well last night...but when he got up around 4 to eat...he fell back asleep in like 3 minutes. I, however, fell back asleep in like 2 1/2 hours!! Grr.

It's almost time to make some big decisions about next year! I talked to my principal last week and he knows that I will not be going back full time. Now I gotta meet with the leave-of-absence lady to discuss possible part time options. I think that I will end up subbing b/c it is more flexible. One or two days a week would be plenty. We have maintained a pretty good budget and God keeps providing for us with tax return money, reimbursed furlough days from Aaron, extra pay b/c of claiming a child, etc. etc.

Grocery shopping.... check.
Laundry.... almost!

Gotta jet.