My plump preemie

Alex has officially gained 10 pounds since birth. He's now a beautiful 15 1/2 pound ball of mostly smiles. I love his chubby cheeks and fat rolls.

I'm very thankful for this baby. We had a rough start with this little guy (Preemie, Colic, Daytime insomnia, inability to fall asleep, terrible reflux, etc. etc.) I wouldn't go as far as to say things are easy, but they have gotten much easier. He sleeps at night and he smiles at me. Both those things help a LOT haha.

I know very well that both my babies are little miracles and although I hate c sections and ICUs, they are what saved my babies who may not have survived otherwise. I think of Mary giving birth to Jesus outside in a barn. I'm sure if they had to perform a "C section" back then that the moms probably didn't have high survival rates. Scary thought.

Anyways, I am every thankful for my little guys. Hard to think that they will someday outgrow me. Alex' biggest struggle right now is his reflux (which he is on medication for). It's a very frustrating condition. Besides going through burp clothes (and beach towels) by the handful, he's a terribly finicky nurser, and it's harder for him to keep food down. I'll admit that I don't even bother changing my clothes anymore when I get spit up on. It's just not worth it most of the time and I have so few clothes that actually fit right now anyways.

We had an appointment with the lactation nurse today. Because of all his spitting up and the fact that his weight gain has slowed down a bit, she suggested I feed him every 2 hours during the day now. And go back to pumping twice a day. And wake him up once at night to eat. Ick. If she knew how hard it is to get this boy to fall asleep- she wouldn't dream of waking him up! We'll see what new plan we devise. We may just add a few extra ounces to his "vitamin bottle*" at bedtime. I was just getting excited about sleeping and not having to pump during the night. --sigh-- Oh well. Right now he wakes up on his own around 5 am so I am not going to wake him. But...it's all worth it for this face:


Psalm 59:17 NLT
O my Strength, to you I sing praises, for you, O God, are my refuge, the God who shows me unfailing love.


*Preemies are recommended to have an iron supplement because they are not born with the iron stores a term baby would gain those last weeks (or months). At 6 months or once they start solid foods it can usually be eliminated if desired. Since the vitamin tastes really bad, we've been mixing it in about an ounce or so of pumped milk.

New Job, Day 3, and reflections

Aaron went back to work.

Life is a tad rough right now.

Day 3 of my new job.

Alex spit up all over one of my two pairs of jeans that kind of fit. While I was nursing in a parking garage. With a toddler in the back seat.

I am so tired that my stomach kind of hurts. Almost too tired to nap. Especially over the goat-like noises of our little angel...who keeps us awake at night even when he's asleep. Reflux, possibly (very common for preemies). Frustrating, definitely.

I pumped this morning while sitting on the floor, trying to pacify a screaming baby and while trying to put on Veggie Tales for the toddler. Not very successful.

Folded a load of laundry. Might hide the other load til tomorrow.

Got toddler down, nursed baby, pumped, cleaned said pump parts, time for me to rest...and toddler wakes up crying....

Oh, and yesterday I had to nurse the baby while sitting on the bathroom floor helping Mateo on the potty.

Such a contrast to having just one baby. I could nurse at my leisure while reading a book and sipping a cold drink. Now I nurse on bathroom floors and in parking garages lol.

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Alex has an occasional happy awake period but so far he's been pretty cranky. He's happy while eating and somewhat happy when sleeping though he makes a LOT of noise. I think I need to record this baby sleeping b/c nobody knows what we mean. But then as I write this, Alex is ODDLY sitting awake and happy in the swing. First time ever. So weird. I'm thinking this is what normal people experience with a baby. Happy, smiles, warm fuzzy feelings? I feel like a bad mom saying this...but (here goes) I don't particularly like babies. Phew. Now don't get me wrong. I love my baby and would do anything to protect and take care of him...but I just don't think babies are fun. At least so far. Who knows. Maybe Alex will become a super happy and easy baby. And maybe next week he'll sleep 8 hours straight. Maybe.

I've decided that life isn't fair...but that regardless of what things are easy for us...that we often did nothing to deserve it...it's pure grace or blessing. I can't hold a baby in full term to save my life- but then you see that "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" show on TLC where these moms are drinking and doing all sorts of things that one wouldn't think of doing had they known they were growing a baby...and their baby is fine. I've recently met some moms on a facebook page Eats On Feets (http://www.facebook.com/EatsOnFeatsOregon) that can't breastfeed or have a super low supply. Then I think of our deep freezer overflowing with frozen milk. I did nothing special to be able to breastfeed.
I think we're an arrogant people. We think because things happened a certain way that it's because we did so good at something. I did nothing to be able to nurse...besides eat like a horse, pump, and have a lot of persistence. People criticize other people too much for this or that instead of extending them grace. You can't possibly understand what someone else experiences. I don't have an easy time with babies. Being a stay at home mom is really hard for me. Though people still criticize saying if you did this, or if you did that, then...but sometimes you just end up with a colicky baby and there's nothing you can do about it but wait it out, go on a lot of walks, and eat a lot of chocolate. Hopefully we got our colicky baby stuff out of the way with Mateo. I'm so so hoping and praying that Alex will be happy and portable and easy going.

All that said... I am ready to call it a night, hopefully get a few hours of sleep, and enjoy the weekend as much as possible with my hubby home. Life is better when he's around. I think God totally knew what he was doing when he brought us together. I so need someone like Aaron. And so do my boys. Here they are... Mateo is 2 years and 4 months old. Alex is almost 5 weeks (one more week until he's full term!). Mateo wants so badly for "baby Alex play toys?!" Hopefully soon!