New Job, Day 3, and reflections

Aaron went back to work.

Life is a tad rough right now.

Day 3 of my new job.

Alex spit up all over one of my two pairs of jeans that kind of fit. While I was nursing in a parking garage. With a toddler in the back seat.

I am so tired that my stomach kind of hurts. Almost too tired to nap. Especially over the goat-like noises of our little angel...who keeps us awake at night even when he's asleep. Reflux, possibly (very common for preemies). Frustrating, definitely.

I pumped this morning while sitting on the floor, trying to pacify a screaming baby and while trying to put on Veggie Tales for the toddler. Not very successful.

Folded a load of laundry. Might hide the other load til tomorrow.

Got toddler down, nursed baby, pumped, cleaned said pump parts, time for me to rest...and toddler wakes up crying....

Oh, and yesterday I had to nurse the baby while sitting on the bathroom floor helping Mateo on the potty.

Such a contrast to having just one baby. I could nurse at my leisure while reading a book and sipping a cold drink. Now I nurse on bathroom floors and in parking garages lol.

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Alex has an occasional happy awake period but so far he's been pretty cranky. He's happy while eating and somewhat happy when sleeping though he makes a LOT of noise. I think I need to record this baby sleeping b/c nobody knows what we mean. But then as I write this, Alex is ODDLY sitting awake and happy in the swing. First time ever. So weird. I'm thinking this is what normal people experience with a baby. Happy, smiles, warm fuzzy feelings? I feel like a bad mom saying this...but (here goes) I don't particularly like babies. Phew. Now don't get me wrong. I love my baby and would do anything to protect and take care of him...but I just don't think babies are fun. At least so far. Who knows. Maybe Alex will become a super happy and easy baby. And maybe next week he'll sleep 8 hours straight. Maybe.

I've decided that life isn't fair...but that regardless of what things are easy for us...that we often did nothing to deserve it...it's pure grace or blessing. I can't hold a baby in full term to save my life- but then you see that "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" show on TLC where these moms are drinking and doing all sorts of things that one wouldn't think of doing had they known they were growing a baby...and their baby is fine. I've recently met some moms on a facebook page Eats On Feets (http://www.facebook.com/EatsOnFeatsOregon) that can't breastfeed or have a super low supply. Then I think of our deep freezer overflowing with frozen milk. I did nothing special to be able to breastfeed.
I think we're an arrogant people. We think because things happened a certain way that it's because we did so good at something. I did nothing to be able to nurse...besides eat like a horse, pump, and have a lot of persistence. People criticize other people too much for this or that instead of extending them grace. You can't possibly understand what someone else experiences. I don't have an easy time with babies. Being a stay at home mom is really hard for me. Though people still criticize saying if you did this, or if you did that, then...but sometimes you just end up with a colicky baby and there's nothing you can do about it but wait it out, go on a lot of walks, and eat a lot of chocolate. Hopefully we got our colicky baby stuff out of the way with Mateo. I'm so so hoping and praying that Alex will be happy and portable and easy going.

All that said... I am ready to call it a night, hopefully get a few hours of sleep, and enjoy the weekend as much as possible with my hubby home. Life is better when he's around. I think God totally knew what he was doing when he brought us together. I so need someone like Aaron. And so do my boys. Here they are... Mateo is 2 years and 4 months old. Alex is almost 5 weeks (one more week until he's full term!). Mateo wants so badly for "baby Alex play toys?!" Hopefully soon!

The Deep Freezer and The Preemie

The latest home and frugal venture has had to do with food. Last winter some ladies from my MOMS group met to swap recipes and work on meal planning. Since then it's helped a lot to plan a whole month of meals. Then of course I got pregnant and couldn't think about an entire month of food w/o getting queasy...so I went down to just a week at a time (or sometimes 2 or 3 days...). Still it helped.
Two weeks before Alex was born we bought a deep freezer. We'd wanted one since Mateo was born and were finally able to make it happen. A mama friend of mine inspired me to freeze meals. She makes a whole month of freezer meals at a time and then has lots of dinners at her disposable throughout the month. With tots and babies...I really liked that idea! Now I only had two weeks to fill up our freezer so I didn't do NEARLY as much as I'd wanted...but slowly but surely it's beginning to fill up.

I had made several batches of beans in the crock pot (pintos, garbanzo, black) and froze them in tupperwares. Easy to take out for burritos, rice bowls, hummus, salads, etc. We also made some whole chickens in the crockpot and froze some zip locs of shredded meat to pull out for tacos. And, since my mom gave me lots of tomatoes, I also made a few batches of spaghetti sauce and some stewed toms.

I also froze a bunch of berries that we picked (including lots of free blackberries near our house). Also blueberries, strawberries, and "triple crown" berries that Mateo helped me pick. I used my birthday food dehydrator and dried a bunch of produce that my mom gave me from their garden...apples, pears, etc. Also made some pear sauce, fruit leathers, etc. You cant' really tell from this picture, but the whole door of the freezer is full of fruit leathers and berries for the winter.

And the most recent addition to the deep freezer....PIZZA! Just cheese, sauce, and pepperoni for now. I figure I'd add veggies later so they'd be fresh. Now I just need to find a gluten free pizza dough recipe that Aaron likes so I can freeze pizza for him, too.


And, if you know anything about caring for preemies, then this next picture won't surprise you too much. Another reason we're glad that we have a deep freezer at at a time like this...

One of the not-so-fun things about having a premature baby and wanting to nurse is the ridiculous amount of pumping they recommend you do. But... I feel dumb complaining about pumping and think that rather I need to be thankful to even have a supply and even be able to nurse! I have no idea what happens to premature babies that are born in poor countries without wonderful NICUs like we have here. It stabs my heart to think that they probably would not survive. As hard as seeing your baby have a feeding tube is... at least they can be properly nourished until they are able to eat the "normal" way.

Alex has become a really good eater, despite some reflux and massive amounts of spit up. We go through the burp clothes pretty quickly. But despite that (which the doctors aren't even concerned with) he gained almost a pound this last week and is up to 6 pounds 7 ounces! A little over a pound to go and I will be a VERY happy mama when I can carry him in the baby bjorn. It will make running errands with two little kidlets much easier. I'm already foreseeing my first trip to WinCo with them both. Mateo in the cart, Alex in the front pack. That will be quite a feat!
I still have almost two weeks having Aaron home, which, even though it's not been easy or fun and we've been having to pray for extra grace and patience with each other, has been a huge blessing. My mama friends often comment on how much Aaron helps with baby stuff and how involved he is. I now realize how it all got started that way. We make really hard babies. I honestly couldn't have survived Mateo's baby days w/o him...and I won't be able to survive Alex' baby days without him either. All the nursing, pumping, waking up baby to eat at night, lack of sleep, lack of energy, taking care of a toddler,etc. etc. I feel worse for Mateo, b/c I don't like giving him less than my best. I just don't have it to give right now and I appreciate the grace he gives us...the grace only a two year old can give to a mom.

In the coming weeks I plan on adding some meals to the freezer. There are tons of sites with freeze well recipes and tons of resources. None of which I have time to look at right now...I barely have time to write this post except that Aaron and Mateo ran an errand and Alex is still sleeping in his car seat upon returning from the pediatrician. I will add some recipes that freeze well and some other ideas. I will most definitely have to become very efficient with meal planning, cooking, etc. I am convincing myself that I'm up for the challenge. Pep talk. I can do this. Jesus will enable me to survive this again and eventually thrive.
I may make really hard and challenging babies, but they definitely become cute and lovable toddlers. There is hope.
Baby Mateo....

2 year old Mateo